respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
