Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
