please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
