if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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