Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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