Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
