No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have fence marks all over my body
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
