What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize