you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
