but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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