she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
