did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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