quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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