Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
