Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
