Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
