You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
