I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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