Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
