I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
