I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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