there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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