my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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