im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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