Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
