I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
