Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
