It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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