I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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