its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
