first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
