okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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