You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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