No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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