i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
