So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
