if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
