I understand Curling. That high.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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