..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
