dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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