she smelled like a LAN party
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
