It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
