dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
