walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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