She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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