it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And then he peed in my hair
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