Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
