So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
