How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
