Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
