We named our party play list daddy issues
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
