Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
