just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
