After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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