guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
